Chris Pine cannonballs into the director’s chair for the first time with Poolman, a quirky comedy that sadly sinks rather than swims. Pine not only directs but also stars as the lead—basically playing a waffling donut of a man who stumbles around looking perpetually lost, like he’s misplaced his car keys and dignity in the deep end. His look might be intriguing if it didn’t feel like he just rolled out of bed that way every day. Method acting? Or a secret autobiography? The jury’s still out.
Now, don’t get me wrong—this movie looks good. It’s well-shot, stylish, and has that hipster-aesthetic vibe Pine probably circled in red on his mood board. But pretty visuals can’t save what feels like a two-hour existential crisis disguised as a comedy.
Speaking of things that deserve better, the cast boasts Annette Bening, Danny DeVito, and Jennifer Jason Leigh—Hollywood royalty that’s tragically underutilized here. Honestly, it’s like hiring Michelin-star chefs to microwave frozen dinners. They try to spice things up, but the material just doesn’t let them cook.
The plot? Well, it’s complicated—or at least it thinks it is. Pine tries to unravel a mystery that’s equal parts strange and silly, but the pacing drags like a pool float caught in the filter. Just when you think it might pick up, it takes a sharp turn into crime thriller territory, leaving you wondering if you accidentally switched to another movie. Spoiler: You didn’t. You’re still stuck in Poolman.
Here’s the thing—I get it. This movie was supposed to be weird on purpose. But instead of ‘quirky-cool,’ it’s more ‘quirky-why?’ It’s like Pine aimed for Wes Anderson and accidentally landed somewhere between an infomercial and a fever dream.
To be fair, Chris Pine deserves props for diving into directing. But let’s just say this wasn’t the deep end—more like the shallow splash zone. He’s still a star in front of the camera, but behind it? Maybe stick to floaties until the next attempt.
Poolman is less of a summer splash and more of a belly flop. Despite its artsy visuals and a stacked cast, it can’t keep its head above water. Better luck next lap, Chris.
