Oh, Sony. You tried. You really tried. But much like Kraven himself, this movie just kept running—and running—and running—only to trip over its own bear traps.
Let’s start with the good stuff because, like Kraven’s conscience, it’s brief:
Russell Crowe—aka “Russian Gladiator”—was genuinely chilling. Accent? Flawless. Delivery? Ice cold. If this man were younger, he’d be the Kraven we actually deserve, not the one we got after a Black Friday sale.
Parkour choreography was solid. Kraven flipping, climbing, and yeeting himself through the woods was the closest we got to proper predator vibes.
The gore and brutality didn’t hold back. Nose bites, neck stabs, bear traps—it’s all there. But instead of feeling menacing, it came off like Home Alone if Kevin was raised by wolves.
Now, let’s dive headfirst into the lion pit:
Look, I know Sony wanted gritty, edgy dialogue, but what we got was stale one-liners and conversations so dry they could start wildfires. The infamous lift scene deserves its own Razzie award for making us cringe harder than Kraven’s victims.
Sony, you should have swallowed your pride and borrowed one lion from Disney. Just one. Instead, we got a CGI jungle that looked like it belonged in Jumanji—the 90s version. When Lion King sets the bar, don’t show up with Madagascar leftovers.
Kraven and Calypso had about as much chemistry as two coworkers who hate each other but are forced to share a cubicle. And the brotherly storyline? So much potential—so little effort. It’s like they started a subplot and then forgot about it halfway through filming.
This “stable of villains” felt like Sony was shuffling through a deck of random bad guys. One even popped out of nowhere, got zero backstory, and was promptly yeeted out of the plot. Blink and you’d miss him.
The editing? Woeful. It felt like we were just hopping from action scene to action scene with no glue holding anything together. It’s less “cinema” and more “extended TikTok clips.”
That ending, though? Daddy left me a jacket? What is this—Spider-Man: The North Face Chronicles? Sony, respectfully, put this franchise down and focus on the God of War movie or the PS6. We don’t need more of this.
Was it brutal? Yes. But so was watching it. There were glimpses—tiny glimpses—of what this could have been if the scriptwriters had actually cracked open a Kraven comic. But instead, we’re left with a movie that’s all bark, some bite, and absolutely no roar.
Sony, next time, just ask Disney for help. Or, you know, stop.