Venom: The Last Dance isn’t just the final waltz—it’s a full-on stumble off the stage. When you call your movie “The Last Dance,” I expect something akin to a dramatic farewell, not a sloppy final shuffle. Unfortunately, the film couldn’t even stick the landing.
Let’s talk about Knull, the so-called God of the Symbiotes. A character this important should bring cosmic terror, but Knull narrates the opening, vanishes for 95% of the runtime, and reappears at the end like he just remembered he had a shift. It’s like ordering the most expensive dish on the menu and getting served microwave leftovers. The God of the Symbiotes deserved more than a glorified cameo.
As for Tom Hardy, bless his heart—he tried. You could see him digging deep to bring emotion to Eddie Brock, but with a script like this, even Daniel Day-Lewis would have phoned it in. Tom’s performance is like someone trying to sell a fake Rolex while knowing the battery’s missing. It’s hard to blame him when the material is so flimsy.
The core issue with this movie is that it’s like it took all the existing symbiote lore, tossed it into a blender, and hit ‘puree’. Suddenly, the symbiotes can bond with literally anyone, rendering their original selective nature completely meaningless. They could bond with a toaster if the plot needed a breakfast scene. The result? A bunch of generic symbiotes popping up without names or personalities—just muscle and CGI. And speaking of CGI, let’s be real: we’ve seen better graphics in PS2 cutscenes.
I’ll give the movie this: it introduced a variety of symbiotes, but what’s the point if they’re just window dressing? Remember the unnamed symbiotes from earlier films? At least they had a semblance of menace. Here, they’re more like party decorations—interesting to look at, but forgettable. And the origin story for Dr. Payne, aka Agony, was a low point even for a franchise that set the bar somewhere in the basement. An electric symbiote? I guess we’re throwing darts now.
Then, there’s Sadie Christmas. Yep, not from the comics, but here to add “quirky” confusion. She’s like that friend who insists on being random for the sake of it, except in this case, she’s trying to be a character in a major franchise. I imagine even Chiwetel Ejiofor, who’s way too good for this role, was looking for Doctor Strange’s portal to Mordo and contemplating life choices. What are you doing here, Chiwetel? KMT.
The ending is yet another mishap—a cliffhanger that feels more like a dead-end. And the flashback tribute to Venom? It’s as if the filmmakers assumed this franchise was some cinematic milestone. It’s like making a montage of your pet cat’s five most significant naps. All in all, I’m glad it’s over. Venom can finally take a nap and Tom Hardy can find projects that deserve his talent.
Venom: The Last Dance is like a bad date you’re relieved to end. There were some interesting ideas, but no finesse, no follow-through. Hopefully, Venom can find peace, and so can we.
